This might sound absolutely absurd to most people.. but I am terrified of freedom.  The freedom to choose my fate, my career, my friends, my boyfriend, my car, my breakfast, my outfit.. my life.  That’s a lot of pressure because what if I screw up?  What if I make a horribly bad decision?  There are no take-backs in life.  My ENTIRE life I have been doing what I either was told to do or what I thought I was supposed to do.  I played sports because my dad played sports and that’s what he would have wanted, right?  I played the flute because my mom played the flute and that’s what she would have wanted, right?  I got good grades and joined lots of clubs to make my parents proud and to get into a good college because that’s what they wanted, right?  I went to college because that was my only option, right?  I am a double major in Pre-Med and Spanish because I need to get a good job and pay off all my debt, right?  Not being happy is a small price to pay for food on the table and a roof over your head, right?  I never really gave any thought to what I really wanted, probably because I never really knew what I wanted.  There’s two people, the me that I want to be and the me that I should be, unfortunately they are entirely different people.

So, what do I do?  Who do I become?  Who am I?

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Fearful of freedom

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s