This might sound absolutely absurd to most people.. but I am terrified of freedom. The freedom to choose my fate, my career, my friends, my boyfriend, my car, my breakfast, my outfit.. my life. That’s a lot of pressure because what if I screw up? What if I make a horribly bad decision? There are no take-backs in life. My ENTIRE life I have been doing what I either was told to do or what I thought I was supposed to do. I played sports because my dad played sports and that’s what he would have wanted, right? I played the flute because my mom played the flute and that’s what she would have wanted, right? I got good grades and joined lots of clubs to make my parents proud and to get into a good college because that’s what they wanted, right? I went to college because that was my only option, right? I am a double major in Pre-Med and Spanish because I need to get a good job and pay off all my debt, right? Not being happy is a small price to pay for food on the table and a roof over your head, right? I never really gave any thought to what I really wanted, probably because I never really knew what I wanted. There’s two people, the me that I want to be and the me that I should be, unfortunately they are entirely different people.
So, what do I do? Who do I become? Who am I?