Now, I sit and stare at my phone for hours on end.. hoping you’ll text me and say “I love you and I’m sorry, let’s get back together”.  I know it’s pitiful, I know I am better than this, I know a lot of things but that’s the problem with love, it’s not some long thought process that results in an ethically suitable decision to either be in it or not.  It’s felt, by the heart, and for that matter, every inch of your body.  When you said you thought we should part ways, I was okay with it at first but I guess that was only because it didn’t feel real to me.  You were all I had known for almost two years and the thought of my life without you was.. frankly, unthinkable but not in some super obsessive, I NEED YOU, scary freshman year, first boyfriend, crush kinda way, in the literal can’t imagine my life without you kind of way because I hadn’t lived it without you for longer than what I could now remember.  It hit me slow at first then all at once.  I would wake up and want to text you but realize I couldn’t.  I would get great news or horrible news or any news and want to tell you.. but couldn’t.  I would get off work and want to cuddle and relax with you.. but couldn’t.  It took me to weeks to remove the cute heart emojis that had been what seemed like permanently settled next your name in phone. That’s when it really hit me. We weren’t anything anymore.  You were just a name in my phone.. no special connotation.. no significance.. just a name and a number.


2 thoughts on “Just a name and a number

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